Toilet Training

I have learned so much that patience and attitude can be such a big deal with teaching my daughter how to use the potty. This I found to be one of the great hurdles of my daughter’s second to third year.

Thanks to my mom we were off to a great start, with little potty’s, a potty ring to go on the regular potty, and stickers and treats to encourage going. She also took our summer time to start the process with us. Yet after that it was me, my daughter and the dreadful potty.

First thing first, training is messy, messy, messy. Accidents will and do happen. This is not just learning a new thing, but a unlearning an old habit for a new habit, which is a lot harder. Before it was fine to go whenever you wanted, wherever you were. Now there was only one place to go, and you needed to get there first before you went. Before others were responsible for this, now you are suppose to know when you are going and communicate it. Accidents did happen, and the clean up was not fun.

Out of all the things that a parent gets to do with their new child I am sure cleaning up diapers is not on the list, and cleaning up without the diapers is at the very bottom. As it was with learning to eat solid food vs breastfeeding this took time to learn, and mess was created.

I think this shows that learning is always messy. There are always falls when you are learning something new. There are usually bumps along the road. Yet it is those things that create the next step to springboard to the next level. Learning is not a straight curve going up. There are good days and bad days. Some days are taking with leaps and bounds, and the next an accident. Some of this was also because of how consistent I was. There were times my daughter was sick and not feeling well, so I put on a diaper instead of insisting that she go to the bathroom, which would put us back another month or so.

When it came to my daughter learning to walk or to dress herself there was not much clean up. It did not affect me in a negative way, just time, which was of great joy of watching her try and try and then succeed This learning required a bit more sacrifice on my part. There was nothing more stressful for me than having my daughter wake up from a nap wet with something brown in her panties or to go out of the room and come back to a puddle on the floor. All that needed to be done bombarded me at once. There was my daughter to clean and get clean clothes on, there was the dirty clothes that need to be cleaned and get down to the laundry room, there was the floor that needed to be cleaned and disinfected or bed that needed to be stripped and re-made. To top it all off my daughter with a mind of her own who could make this mess a lot bigger if I did this out of order, or would get into something she should not be while I was taking care of something else. This would stress me out to the breaking point, trying to micro manage every detail so the mess would not become bigger than it was.

Yet when I made a big deal and lost my cool things did not go well. I would lose my own peace and get angry which would bring my daughter to tears. This would stress her out whenever she needed to do number two, and therefore she would hold it for days until it had to come out, and it was hard and hurting at that time, which made her fear it even more. It was when I started to accept the situation and take it in stride that things started to get better. By saying it was an accident and that it was okay to make the mistake relaxed my daughter, so that she would have more control, and less accidents would happen. We also got into a routine so when it happened we both knew what to do and how to take care of the mess.

I think that is what changed and was the turning point for us. We learned to work together through this, and an accident was not a break of our relationship, but it drew us closer. Instead of my daughter fearing my reaction she would know that I was there for her. It was not her performance that made sure she got love and attention from me, it was because she was my daughter, period. When she failed she could come to me, and we would work it out together.

Now except for bedtime my daughter is basically toilet trained, taking care of business all by herself. Yet this learning I think I need to remember for I can still lose my cool over the smallest thing if I focus on what I want to happen or do at a certain time. It’s much better to focus more on the relationship and that we are in this together rather than performance. It opens things up for more surprise cuddles and hugs this way.

This is what God is teaching me at the moment. Interruptions are opportunities. Opportunities of joy and learning and closeness, that can be thrown away if we are insistent on our own way. It comes back to dying to self in every moment. To be able to clean up other’s messes and be willing to let them make mistakes as they learn. For the grace I am giving for sure I will need soon, and I would love the same way to be treated when I make a big brown physical, spiritual, mental or emotional accident.